Suicide Notes
by HomieGPoptart
Summary: Ugh, I needed to write this, kinda get it out there. Just get it off my chest. One-Shot Hermione suicide fic, written as suicide notes.


A/N: So yeah, I just needed to write this because it was nagging at me. But then I discovered that actually writing down feelings is hard, hard to really express just how you want them. So yeah, this is my attempt at expressing feelings. I know she seems angry, but seriously, wouldn't you be too? and the tenses shift because these are of course written before she kills herself, and well yeah, I hope that you don't enjoy this.

* * *

Dear Mum and Dad,

I'm so tired. I don't really want to be here any more. I feel so alone, and I know that you are thinking that I'm not but I am! No one, not even you can see past the Happy Facades I put up. You can't see me. You don't know the dark things that I've been thinking, but I suppose you do now. I really don't want to say something so cliché, but I must. I'm sorry. Sorry, that I couldn't live up to your expectations. Sorry that I left you. But you must understand, it was too much. You tried to make me do too much. I couldn't handle it. I ran myself into the ground for you, for everyone! And no one even acknowledged me. No, not the me that you are thinking. They never noticed the real me, the one that couldn't stand the pressure, the one that wanted to be free, the one that I hid oh, so cleverly.

I was planning this for a while now. Really, I'm rather disappointed that you didn't get the hints. I didn't want to use it, but it was really the only way. I meant it enough that it obviously worked. The process I imagined was really rather awkward, sitting in the Prefects bathroom, wand pointed at myself. But it worked, you wouldn't be reading this if it didn't work. If they don't tell you, I will. I used an Unforgivable, the only curse that I was sure would not fail. Wand pointed at my chest, I probably shouted Avada Kedavra, but I'm not quite sure. It's the Killing Curse, the very one Voldemort used on the Potter's. I don't see why this is significant, but I guess its as significant as everything else.

I almost regret not being there to take those final tests. But guess what? I'm free now, I took my own life. I did something that I could control, for myself! And I finally found the peace that I was searching so desperately for. Don't blame Hogwarts for not noticing, as I know that you will do because, you need to place just as much blame on yourselves, for not noticing, in my letters, in my visits, in my calls. I really don't regret this, sitting here, waiting for the right time. I just want to say that I really did love you both.

Sincerely,

Hermione

* * *

Dear Ron,

I regret not being there for you as mush as you seemed too need me, especially after the death of your brother, but I couldn't. I was being pulled in so many directions, I couldn't do all of that alone. What none of you seemed to realise is that I needed someone too. I needed someone that I could cry on, that I could tell my fears, my secrets, too. But no one came forward. Which is why you are reading this today. I know you think I'm selfish for leaving you behind, but really, I didn't do much for you, except your homework. I felt so controlled and that made me feel an ever increasing sense of panic. I'm surprised at you Ron, how could you not see the desperation in my eyes whenever I looked at you? How could you not notice the fact that I was bleeding inside. I'm sure that you think what I was suffering was trivial compared to what you had to go through, but it was not. I lost people too, and yet, everyone needed me to be their rock, their guiding light, so I couldn't show them just how weak I was. None of you saw. None of you noticed. And as much as this will anger you, I guessed that you wouldn't. The only person who ever noticed was Severus, and he died. He was my confidant, and he died! While you thought he was despicable, I knew better. I knew that he was just, that he was on our side but you continued to push him away. You ignored every hint that he dropped that I was the way I was, and look where your first year pettiness got you. I loved you, Ron. It just wasn't enough.

Hermione

* * *

Dear Harry,

I know you see the signs of what I did to myself. I know that you are horrified. I know that you wished you acted on what you saw and heard. The war was over for the world, but not for you and me. Your life was dedicated to destroying Voldemort, and now that the direction is gone, you are reeling. I knew that you noticed the signs. I knew that. But I also knew that your problems were just as severe as mine, albeit in different ways. So I knew that you didn't really register. Please, for me, don't face your ghosts alone. Take Ginny with you when you visit your parents house, as you heal. Don't do what I did. Please.

Sincerest Apologies,

Hermione

* * *

Dear everyone else,

I'm sorry I didn't live up to your expectations. I'm sorry that I was never who you thought I was. I'm sorry that most of you thought that Severus was a slimy git, because he was the only person that could really save me. The only person who could tell you all. I know that you are thinking that I could have told you, but you don't understand. This problem, I felt that I needed to face it alone, even though it stemmed from aloneness. It took courage to tell Severus when he asked me. It would have taken you all greater courage to listen, to really listen. Courage, that was apparently beyond even the greatest Gryffindors. I regret to inform you, Headmistress McGonagall, that I will not be able to take the spot as Transfiguration Professor. There is not much else that I have to say, so I do believe that I will conclude this note. Please, whomever finds this, please read these at my service, so that people can see the me that they neglected to look for.

Hermione

* * *

"...and so concludes the letters which Miss Granger asked me to read." Droned the minister. Almost everyone in Hogwarts attended the funeral, most of them without dry eyes.


End file.
